Motherhood

This past week I have been thinking about ways I can be a better mom. I decided that this week I am going to work on my relationship with Emmalee. Sometimes I feel like I am to hard on her, so this week I decided am going to try to ease up and try to relax. So everything was going good this morning until we get to the bus stop. We were not even there for 2 minutes and Emmalee is running around with her friends and playing, when she falls into a pile of mud. And the bus is at the end of our street about to stop to pick up the kids. So i start to walk Emmalee home and start reaming on her for the poor choice she made by falling in the mud and how i was so mad because now she couldn't go to school because I didn't have a car to take her in. So we get home and right as we are walking in the door her bus stops in front of our house and waits for Emmalee to get changed. I was so grateful for the wonderful bus driver at that moment. So Emmalee got changed and got on the bus. I didn't give her her usual kiss and I love you because I was in a hurry to get her on the bus. So when i was watching the bus leave I felt so bad for what I had said to her. I don't know if I am the only mom who feels bad sometimes but today I felt really bad. I also can't stop thinking about if something bad happens to her or I her last memory of me she will have is of me yelling at her for falling in the mud which may I point out wasn't her fault its not like the mud was like"hey let me trip this little girl so her mom can yell at her". I feel so guilty, and like a horrible mom. I only had one goal set out this morning and it is only 9am and i have already failed. I just hope that she will forgive me when she gets home. I am going to be thinking about this all day. Sorry for my rambles, and for no pictures. Just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.